The rain keeps falling!

It has been really rainy in Poitiers for about the past week. We are all ready for some sun!

My friend left  just a little over a week ago. Our trip was really good. We went to Normandy with some friends from Poitiers who all rented a house together, for the annual D-Day celebrations. It is always interesting to mix new and old friends, and all in all, I think it went rather well. I had been to Normandy once before, and just like the last time, it was moving in a really eye-opening way to stand in beautiful green fields, to look out over peaceful cliffs, and to know that so much horror happened right there. My friend and I broke up from the group on most days, to go venture a little farther. We listened to her favorite podcasts and the same music we listened to together in Colorado, and went and saw the Bayeux tapestry, William the Conquerer's castle in Caen, and a goofy Edward Satie museum in Honfleur. It is always interesting traveling with other people, and this friend and I had not traveled all that much together before. I was reminded how different we are and how different our worlds are. I thought a lot about the things I know a lot about versus the things that she knows a lot about. We both have different things we are good at, and different perspectives, and I like that balance.

After Normandy, we came back to Poitiers, and just hung out. We went on a long walk, picnicked by the river (my favorite Poitiers activity, I think), had drinks with my friends, and had some long talks on my terrace. Then, we headed to Paris, where we rented an AirBnB in the 19th arrondissement, which I of course immediately wanted to move into. The thing about renting this AirBnB was that, unlike a hotel, I DID want to spend all my time there, just pretending I lived in Paris, and not actually taking the metro and going to all ends of the city, which is what makes me not want to live in Paris. Of course, we didn't stay in the AirBnB the whole time, don't worry. It was kind of nice because Cari didn't really have much of an agenda, so we did a lot of just walking, and didn't feel too bad the couple of times when we didn't get to the places we wanted to go because of opening hours or random closings, etc. We found a little flea market, Cari's favorite thing in the world, and after a couple of minutes of me fretting that we were losing time losing time losing time, I settled in and helped her pick out a ring, tried on funny glasses, and bought a bright yellow shirt. We took a trip to Giverney. I couldn't decide if I really enjoyed the actual site that much or not...I told my friend in Paris....every park in France has amazing flowers, and that was the main thing there was to see so, was it worth the trip out there? But my friend thought it was the best thing we saw, so I'm happy we went. The bike ride there and then our hilarious sprint back and nearly missing the train but not was also a story I am glad to be able to tell now.

At the same time that we were there, a little Tarbes reunion also descended upon Paris, and I luckily got to take part in that. One other U.S. friend who now lives in Paris, a vrai tarbais turned Parisian, a Venezuelan who nows lives in Montpellier, a Venezuelan now living in Le Mans, and a Venezuelan who now lives in Panama all arranged themselves to come to Paris thanks to the Venezuelan/Panamanian friend buying herself a ticket to visit. It was really really nice to see them. I did feel self-conscious about my French, and also about how much I had to discuss with them. I was so quiet in Tarbes. My U.S./Parisian friend, along with her boyfriend, though, are an incredible force and made me feel warm and fuzzy and I just kind of sat back and listened and stewed in the togetherness, mostly. It was good. It was really good. A totally different time in my life, and we have all changed so much since then. But my old roommate, the Venezuelan living in Montpellier, is strong and wise, and really they are all so strong and wise and it's great to see everyone taking advantage of their lives and looking so happy.

The Sunday that my friend left to go back to the states was the same Sunday that the Orlando shooting happened. We actually read the first news of it as we were getting ready to head out of the apartment for the day, when they were saying there were 20 victims. And really...it didn't give us much pause. We both sat for a bit and just acknowledged how awful, how terrible it was. And later in the day, we heard that it was 50 people and did the same thing. And I returned home without thinking too much about it. But the next day, when I checked the news, my focus totally turned to that. I kept reading the news throughout the day, and really, really wishing I could be near my family and friends.  Wishing I could tell my brother to leave L.A., and then realising that that wouldn't change anything. The fact that it was an attack on an LGBT and Hispanic community was hot in my mind, but I didn't really fathom what my LGBT friends must be feeling until I checked in with one of them, and he sounded so discouraged. So then I got pissed off. And, it almost doesn't feel right writing it, like I am trying to make this sad story about me, but I read the texts that were released in the media that were sent from a kid to his mom from the bathroom, where he was later killed. I still can't stand it. I felt and feel really mad. I still don't think I have a very rational way of thinking about it. Not many people  in France have spoken to me about it. Maybe I should come up with a better stance on it, so I can talk about it with people here.

Now I am getting ready for my Dad to come, and getting ready to go home. I wish I felt more clear-headed.